Sunday, 30 October 2016

Being a mom

Being a mom feels like that ;)

But seriously, how it is to be a mom?

Sometimes I hate it, and I sigh to how my life was before, and then things get easier and I kind of enjoy changing dirty nappies several times a day and sooth my baby for hours during the night....

Who am I kidding??!! My life is over! Big time! And probably I'll never have so much free time I used to have before.
But sometimes I try to imagine how my life would look like without Zoe and it seems so predictable, so BORING! With her I never can be sure if I'll survive till the next day without going crazy! ;) Life became so unpredictable, so dangerous with such a huge amount of caffeine in my veins and constant lack of proper sleep.

 Being a mom is a wonder.
I am like: "how the hell I can still function?"

Being a mom is a challenge.
I think I can't do any more , I'm exhausted and I want to jump out of the window or throw myself under a bus ,and then my baby pushes me even more, so I need to suck it up and grow a pair...

Being a mom is awesome!
I would never know that I have so many skils and super powers! (if you are a mom, you know what I'm talking about) :D

They say there is not such thing like perfect time to become parents, and they are fucking right! Because nothing can prepare you for what is coming with that bundle of "joy"...and yet in the end of the day I can't get out of admiration for little miracle laying next to me in the cot connected to our bed :D


Wednesday, 22 June 2016

6 weeks postpartum - the real story

After leaving the hospital the third nipple ( hemorrhoid)  was my biggest concern, but then I saw it! And I had to google straight away "how vagina looks like" ,because I was puzzled.
I said puzzled? Sorry! I was terrified! And I haven't looked there for another two weeks!
Then I finally got the courage to check the situation again, but unfortunately nothing has changed! WTF! I've been doing Kegel exercise since the second day after birth!
 I got 3 stitches and I thought I will be pretty tight down there ,but it turns out that giant meteorite left giant destruction! Sex is out of the picture for a while!

Baby blues? Well...guess.
Hemorrhoids , gaping hole, marathon feeding, sore nipples, general exhaustion... You name it!
 I cried, I was tired, I was angry, frustrated, depressed, but then I sucked it up and repeated like a mantra : THIS IS MY FIRST AND LAST BABY!!!

And here I am, 6 weeks and 2 days after Zoe has been born, asking my husband if he would consider another baby in the future!!! LOL!

What helped us to survive those 6 weeks:

1. Humor! 

2. New Parents Pack from the Pure Kitchen

3. Mei Tai - baby carrier

4. Co-sleeping

PS: If you are interested in baby wearing, check out Billies website! She gave us a workshop on how to ''wear'' our baby girl and helped to decide which sling was right for us :D


Friday, 10 June 2016

Breastfeeding sucks! Things that nobody will tell you until you experience it!


Our baby girl aka Milk Vampire is one month and one day old today , and her mama (me) turned into a walking vending machine!

After another 6 hours ( on and off ) marathon feeding I take a big breath and I sigh "thank God is finally over", when she suddenly opens her big eyes in which I see milk madness!
 I can't imagine how there is anything left in my boobs for her to eat! But  I know, if I won't feed her in that very moment she will scream like a mad man! Or mad baby - to be more specific.

On a day like today I wish I could put her back into my womb! 
It's emotionally and physically draining, and I'm asking myself why I'm still doing it?
 Honestly I don't know.

She is natural. She can latch so easily and maybe that's what keep me going? 
Our little cobra :) She will shake her little head right and left in a short distance from my breast just to attack her prey ( my nipple ) by surprise.

If you're curious how strong that baby can suck, simply put the end of the vacuum cleaner to your nipple and turn it on. And leave it for an hour or 6!  LOL!

Sometimes I recall those times when I could use the bathroom freely, whenever I had a need, or I could take a shower without fear that the little vampire will wake up any minute. 
I used to eat every 3 hours. Now I eat when my "boss" allow me to do this. 
I used to dream big. Now I have just one dream and it's called hot meal.
I used to spend about 20 minutes on my make-up. Now I simply do not go out anywhere and my clothes are always stained with my own milk....

They say that breastfeeding is a beautiful bonding experience. Well...I'm not sure about that, and saying that I'm starting to question my maternal instinct. But the only instinct I have at the moment is a survival instinct. That's all I have left. ;)
 But they also say - nothing last forever , so I hope that someday she will feed shorter! 


PS: Do you have/had similar experience with your little one? Or maybe want to share your cracked/bleeding nipples story? Feel free to leave your comment below! 

Monday, 23 May 2016

My labour&delivery story

The plan was simple, deliver our baby girl on Monday , just after the new episode of Game of Thrones ,2 days before my due date! Haha!
But it all started on Sunday evening and after 22 hours from the first contraction I gave birth to our beautiful daughter :)

It was an incredible experience and I won't forget that for the rest of my life!

The contraction started out of the blue. At the beginning they were mild so I still had a time to prepare myself. I took a shower, I washed my hair, shaved my legs and prepared hospital bag. Everything was ready, and we were ready ,so we went to hospital because by that time the contractions were getting stronger but still manageable so after an hour or so, they sent me back home.

At home I tried to relax, I took a bath but after 2 hours the contractions got much more stronger and frequent ( every 4-5 minutes ) and I wasn't able to talk when the pain stroke so I thought - Ok this has to be it!
But again , in hospital they told me that I'm not quite ready, but this time they sent us to prenatal ward where I tried different methods to relieve the pain.
 I think I was doing very well, till around 8am when the pain was so bad , so severe that I couldn't cope anymore :(
And from this point my birth plan was compromised. I was hoping to experience medical free labour, but back then I was begging for any kind of pain relief!!!

Finally at 10:45 am I went to labour ward. I remember when midwife asked me what is my view about pain relief?  I just wanted to cry because I felt so torn! :( I imagined that I would be stronger but I was so tired and in such pain that I found it even hard to cry. So I said: please give me an epidural.
 I felt defeated and high at the same time because of gas and air! Oh man, the gas and air was even better then the hash cake in Amsterdam! Hahaha!
Anyway the midwife broke my waters and the anesthesiologist gave me an injection and finally I could relax.

Lying on a bed attached to a drip I was thinking if I could prepare myself any better for that kind of pain I've experienced?
 It was 1pm and I was already very tired, and our baby was still in my belly. I started to doubt myself, but  thanks to my husband, my midwife Emmeliene and Kail - student doctor at 7:15pm I pushed our baby girl :D And that was the easiest part compared to hours of pain without any pain killers.

I need to say that the staff in National Maternity Hospital was amazing! They went through my birth plan and till the end they tried to follow it , so I was able to touch my baby's head and see it when it went through my birth canal! :D

At the end Bart cut the umbilical cord, and we were able to examine the placenta. And because I agreed medical students to assist in my labour, we've learned a lot of things from the medical point of view.

I ended up with 3 stitches ,but I would go through the same one more time! No hesitation!

Today our gorgeous baby Zoe aka Canarian Princess is exactly 2 weeks old! :D

We are so happy that she finally joined our team :D
With her, we are even more awesome then before!!!

We love you so much Zoe ♥


Wednesday, 27 April 2016

Tick Tock...

Any moment I can become a mom! OMG! And I can't even change the nappy! LOL!
I  really enjoy being pregnant and I love my protruding belly ♥  but I also can't wait to meet our baby girl. 
I wonder how our life will look like when she'll join our team ;) 

 Sometimes annoy me when people say to me that I won't get enough sleep, or I will be constantly tired for the first few months, the baby will costs a lot and I won't have time for myself , friends and even my husband.

It all sounds very negative and I refuse to be the person to whom the child is just troublesome duty. We wanted to become a parents, that was our deliberate decision. So I always say: "Yes , my life is going to change but I'm looking forward to that!". :D

So today I'm exactly 38 weeks pregnant and at this stage I wear my hubby's old t-shirts because I can't fit in most of my blouses anymore! 
This week I also started my maternity leave, but I still go to gym where I work to train a bit before that BIG DAY!
Beside that I read books, watch movies, sing and lie on the couch. A lot! Haha!


Thursday, 14 April 2016

Epidural? No thanks, I'm alright.

Maybe I'm naive , but I really think I won't need any drugs when the time will come to give a birth to our baby girl.  I'm very confident and optimistic to face this big challenge, but saying that I keep my mind open. The last thing I want to do is to play a martyr in such an important day. So when I will really need it , I'll ask for painkillers. 
 ( I'm definitely going to try gas and air regardless of whether I need it or not, because I really want to find out if that makes me high , haha! )

To prepare myself for this big day, I use visualization technique and relaxations. I also created a list of birth preferences. Here are my requests:

1. Warm bath with foam and candles
2. Chilled champagne
3. Professional masseuse from Thailand :D

That might not happen, so just in case I prepared plan B, which I think sounds more realistic:

* I would like to have medical free labour and birth if possible, but I may change my mind during the course of the labour.

* During the labour and childbirth I would like to stay upright and mobile for as long as possible.

* I hope to use fallowing:

- birthing ball
- birthing chair
- shower
- music
- massage
- warm compresses to vaginal area for relaxation and comfort

*My preferred methods on pain relief:

-breathing techniques

* I would like to try a variety of pushing positions: 

- squatting
- kneeling
- side-lying
- on all fours

* I would like to touch my baby's head and see it when it goes through my birth canal.
( Perhaps I will very quickly change my mind when it comes to the real thing!!! Haha )

I'm also working on playlist with music I like which I hope to listen during labour :D

And that's how I imagine my big day, haha! 


Sunday, 10 April 2016

No soothers, no bottles, no bogie - Paleo parents

Attachment parenting - I came across that philosophy few years ago in Jean's Liedloff  book "The Continuum Concept"
Co-sleeping, breastfeeding, carry the baby on the body as often as possible, responding to the infant signals without judgement and displeasure, being sensitive and emotionally available guardian without any undue concern or obsessively focusing on the child -  everything seemed to me so natural, so obvious! 

I was very interested in that topic long before I got pregnant, so I bought another book. This time it was a book by William and Martha Sears " The Attachment Parenting Book".
I introduce my husband to their concept, and I was very surprised when he said how he felt reading this book. Like there was some truth deep inside, hidden instinct , who now saw the daylight. 

In a few weeks we'll be able to test that instinct ;)

Paleo Mama :D